MOVIE REVIEW: Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny

 (Take Me Back To Eden - Sleep Token)

Well, we're back here talking about nostalgia again.

There are a few absolutely massive movie franchises that have penetrated the culture of multiple generations so completely that there's simply no way to revisit them without stepping very carefully. Even then, it's been proved again and again that you won't ever make everyone happy.

...Unless you're 'Top Gun: Maverick', but that's ... well, I was going to say it was a freak accident but anyone who knows Tom Cruise knows that he's extremely methodical. What we're left with is clear evidence that while you -can- follow up one legendary movie with another one, it takes a freakish amount of care and discipline. And possibly a relationship with an Eldritch being.

Aaaaaand that brings us to Indy 5.

Ordinarily, I'd take a few minutes of your time and take you on a trip down memory lane to remember just how bad, on so many different levels, Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull was. Except I don't need to do that, so great was this movie's failure. When Indy 5 was announced, people were torn between the natural excitement of another Indiana Jones film and the horrible flashbacks from the last one.

Whatever the case, it's here now and it's widely rumored to be the last Indy film that's going to star Harrison Ford in the lead role. Is it a send-off worthy of one of the greatest movie heroes of all time?

THE SHORT VERSION:

...It's not great, but it's good enough.

THE LONG VERSION:

I just can't seem to understand how people keep missing the mark on some of this stuff. Take 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark', for example. It's oen of the most frequently analyzed movies of all time. Its recipe is legendary, its status unquestioned. This is a GOOD. MOVIE. And we know exactly why it's a good movie at this point.

So many of the things that make 'Raiders' a good movie are absent from Indy 5, but they had enough nostalgia left over from the first three films that they were able to get by on a pass. Let's get into it, shall we?

Indiana Jones is once again called to investigate a MacGuffin from history that, if used by bad people, will unmake the world. There's nothing very new about the story itself; as always, it's the telling of it where this movie lives and dies. Unfortunately, it's those details that let Indy 5 down. 

Fortunately, Indy's son Mutt is nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, neither is Marion. That's a crime because feedback from fans has overwhelmingly called out that folks want to see more of her. Both absences are explained in the film's plot. The explanation is serviceable and entirely realistic, though a lot of people may feel that it's beneath the characters. In lieu of Marion and Mutt, Indy's primary companions in the movie are both new characters.

The first is Indy's Goddaughter, Helena. It's clear -- painfully so -- that she's designed to be the successor for the franchise. That -should- be good news, as Helena is played by the excellent Phoebe Waller Bridge. Unfortunately, Waller Bridge is something of a one-trick pony. She has only one mode, and while that mode is excellent in the right circumstances, it's utterly out of place in an Indiana Jones movie. As a result, I spent the vast majority of the movie pretty much hating everything about her. I hated that she was clearly supposed to be a good guy but spent so much time being a bad guy. I hated the fact that she was clearly designed to be The Successor but that her brand of acting and comedy was so incompatible with the whole theme of Indiana Jones. I hated the fact that I wanted to really like her character but could never get there. Waller Bridge sticks out like James Bond in a Robin Hood movie. Oh, and I hated the way that Helena ends up interfacing with the movie's second new companion character by the time the movie wraps up.

The second new character is Short Round version 2.0. His performance and his role in the film are utterly forgettable. This isn't the fault of the actor, it's just that kind of a part.

Now you get to the villains, and in keeping with just about every other Indy film, they -did- manage to knock this one out of the park. Mads Mikkelson plays a Nazi with a semi-intelligent plan that involves using the afore-mentioned MacGuffin to do Nazi-related things. it's not a new concept but, as with the story, it's all about the execution, and Mikkelson absolutely kills it. 

Most of the movie's audio and video is completely bulletproof in this space. The film's third act is where a few things really go off the rails though, particularly in the CG area. You'll know it when you see it.

The third act of this movie will, I suspect, be the subject of a lot of contention for reasons that go beyond the CG. It obviously represents the end of the film and I legitimately found myself leaning forward hoping that they were going to be bold enough to actually do what they were threatening to do. They don't, though. 

In the end, Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny is not a bad movie. It's 'good', lower-case g. I really wanted something that was 'Great' though, especially for Indy's last romp. Worse, I think they could have made this movie into a great film with a few relatively small changes.

...Still, we didn't haver to deal with Mutt again, so that's something. It's good enough.

HERE THERE BE SPOILERS:

- I was really, REALLY hoping that Indy would somehow end up with Archimedes. That whole scene at the end of the film was SO. WELL. DONE. Alas, the movie didn't have the courage to let Indy stay with his first love. Worse, Helena took that from him because...what, she was suddenly so emotionally attached to a man that she'd spent literally THE ENTIRE MOVIE doing horrible shit to? And on THAT note...

- Helena Shaw was a terrible person. The number of people she got killed in one way or another is shocking. Indy even calls her on this at one point, but the movie sort of...ignores this after a brief and insincere apology. At no point do you ever end up liking Helena Shaw.

- Oh, Sallah. You deserved so much better, and so did we. It was so good to see that character again. It broke my heart a little when Indy left him behind, but then again, Helena probably would have gotten him killed too.

- I really wish they would have explained the Dial a little better earlier on in the movie. I spent a lot of time being really irritated that the movie was going to hinge on another device whose functionality was too spectacular for the world of Indiana Jones. When they finally stop and explain WHAT the Dial does, it pulls it back into the realm of acceptable Indy fodder but by then...you're kind of used to being irritated about it.

- So, the Spear Of Destiny was a fake, but somehow Schultz survives that incident on the train? No. No, I don't think so.

- They did a really wonderful job de-aging Indy. This is probably the best I've ever seen it done before.

- Tuk Tuks don't drive like that. Sorry.