- Bathroom Musings -

 (The Art Of Time - John Danley)

Here's a list of things you shouldn't do when you have unpredictable, uncontrollable hiccups:

- Putting a contact lens in.  Because trying to put a finger in your eye is only made more entertaining when said finger suddenly jerks in a random direction.

- Taking a contact lens out. Because contact lenses weigh nothing and suddenly jerking your finger could send it flying off to God knows where.  And once that happens, you ain't puttin' that thing back in your eye again.

- Blowing your nose.  You'd think the hiccups would allow for a more forceful blow but when the hands holding the tissue suddenly jerk out of the way...

- Brushing your teeth. Except when your hand moves and you're brushing your nose instead.

- Using mouthwash. ...Use your imagination.  All over your bathroom mirror.  Aaaand your sink.  And floor.

- Cleaning your ears.  I didn't actually DO this one, but only because I absolutely did the other ones and it took multiple failures for me to finally come to grips with the fact that I was directly responsible for escalating the horrible time I was having.

Who says I don't learn?