Found And Lost -- Q&A

 (Alpha Centauri - Andreas Waldetoft)

A Note: You're going to read a lot of things here that worked for me based off of my own experiences tempered with many, MANY visits with my doctors. If you're interested in using any of this knowledge to help you with your own health, do your own research and then talk it over with your doctor before you do.

A lot of the content I talk about in this article is high level. If I'd have written full, Steve-style answers to each question, this would never end. If you or someone you know would like to discuss them in greater detail, I'm totally willing to do that. Drop me a comment and I'll circle back with you as quickly as I can.

Finally, some of the topic at the end of this article deals with mental health. If that's not your bag, you should probably pull the ripcord after the bit about frozen lunches.

Anyone who has spent any amount of time around me over the last few years has probably heard that I've been trying to take steps to get my health in better shape. A by-product of those changes -- and one of the metrics that I've judged my progress by -- has been slow, gradual weight loss. Over those same last few years, I've been asked a number of questions that all revolve around the process and how I went through it. It was suggested to me by a number of parties that a wider audience might be interested in my answers to those questions, which is what brings us all together today.

I've had bits and pieces of this article sitting around for quite some time now. Over these last several years, I've had little thoughts come to me about my journey and I didn't want to lose them in case they could be used when I was writing the original 'Found And Lost' series. Many of those thoughts played into answers to questions I would frequently get asked, so I started piling them all into one place in early March of 2022. What's fascinating to me is how much my answers -- and what I considered really important about my journey -- have changed since then. See, I wrote the original article in late 2022. Then I lost track of it and re-wrote it again in mid-2023. Then I deliberately chose not to publish it until I'd figured out how to cover one topic in particular with a little more clarity. Now it's 2024. Each time I've revisited this article, I've re-written the answers to the questions. My answers haven't changed over the years as much as they've been refined. 

It, uh...it also tells me that I'd probably better just publish this and be done with it.

One last observation: I've generally found that there are two groups of people asking these questions: The first group are those who are making casual, curious conversation. This group of people probably represents the majority of the 'askers'. The second group of people are legitimately interested in the answer. They want to know how I did it. Those people generally get the answer to their question out of me but that answer is usually immediately followed by me saying something like, "I think you're probably actually interested in the answer to a different question."

A lot of people are looking at this whole process from what I will charitably call an 'out-dated' perspective. A lot of additional content has been added to this article to cover that. 

And now, on with the show! And since there's no sense in putting off that whole perspective shift, let's start with what might be the biggest shift of all.

Q. What finally convinced you to start losing weight?

This is really important: Nothing of what I've done in the last several years has been about weight loss. At no point did a doctor tell me, "This is happening to you because you're fat." The actual catalyst that started this whole process had absolutely nothing to do with my weight whatsoever. We're going to come back to this point a few times in this article. I started down this path because I wasn't healthy, not specifically because I was overweight.

As to the answer to the actual question itself: the very short version is that right up until 2019, I had no idea that my health was pretty significantly compromised by a number of factors. Then I fell asleep while driving on the highway. When I woke up -- and after I changed my pants -- I realized that it was long past time to start asking questions about my health. This resulted in a series of events whose byproduct was weight loss. I've chronicled a lot of it in a recurring series in this blog called 'Found And Lost'. Part 1 of 'Found And Lost' can he found by clicking here.

Q. How much weight have you lost?

As of writing this -- that'd be early March 2024 -- I've lost approximately 175 pounds. I started successfully losing weight in September of 2019. More importantly, I now have a much stronger understanding of why I was unhealthy in the first place and, as a result, have been able to take the necessary steps to start correcting that. 

Q. How did you do it? (Lose the weight, that is.)

I laugh whenever I get asked this question. I can't help it. There are so many different answers to this question from so many different angles... Here's my 'casual' answer:

1. I chose. I cannot overstate the importance of this. I made the choice to pursue a healthier life. This is the most cliche thing in the world but it's also the most important. Wanting to do a thing makes doing the thing significantly more manageable. Please note that I said, 'Pursue a healthier life', not 'Lose weight'. 

2. I made a priority out of understanding why I was unhealthy, sought specific solutions, and then executed on them to the best of my abilities. This involved speaking with a whole slew of medical professionals to better understand the root cause of my state of health. I worked with a sleep specialists, a cardiologist, and a neurologist first. Then I found a bariatric specialist to work with me. Three specialists, actually: A physician, a dietician, and a psychologist. None of my doctors gave me orders. They gave me guidance. I listened to my doctors and then I took agency for my own health and did my own research. Then my doctors and I worked together to develop a path to better health. 

Another note here: The internet is a tool, not a doctor. Treat it as such. 

3. I surrounded myself with people interested in my success. Everyone I interfaced with on a regular basis knew what I was trying to do and helped me with things like portion control, intelligent eating decisions and, perhaps most important, grace. (We'll get back to that whole 'grace' thing in a bit. Don't dismiss it as schlock.)

Q. Did you join a gym?

No. As a matter of fact, my doctors actually recommended that I not join a gym. They wanted me to start slowly and work my way up to greater levels of physical activity over time. I found my own pace and my own time to step up that work. I do go to a gym now but not to manage my weight. I had emergency surgery in mid-2023 that necessitated long-term physical therapy to recover from it.

I am a significantly more physically active now than I've been in the last 20 years. I play disc golf at least twice a week. It's good exercise and incredibly healthy for my mind. I love the sport and I'm fortunate that I've found out how to combine it with socializing with friends. I also go to the pool with my friends every week. There's a gym there that I use casually to remind the various parts of my body that they're still expected to perform a function. I frequently still 'play' VR games like Beat Saber with my friends. I take walks when the weather is nice. I park farther away from the grocery store. 

Q. Do you exercise? How did you start exercising?

After talking with my doctors -- I can't stress this part enough! -- I started out with walking. Then I transitioned into working out in VR and disc golf, combined with body weight exercises. My goal was never calorie burn or lifting a certain amount of weight, it was movement. My doctors wanted me to move. I feel like this is a huge aspect of 'working out' that gets overlooked for the common individual. Yes, once I'd found my stride, I targeted burning 500 calories in an hour. That worked for me. I never put myself in a position that I felt like moving was a burden. Now, it's not. It's enjoyable. That means it's sustainable.

Q. You used to jog. Have you considered taking jogging up again?

My doctors, every single one of them, forbade me from jogging ever again as a means of exercising. Jogging works for some people but it comes with potential health risks that are only magnified if you're overweight. It simply isn't a healthy option for me. When you combine that with the fact that I have several other significantly more viable options at my disposal, there simply isn't a reason for me to consider doing it again.

Fun fact: This is the only question whose answer has not changed once since I wrote it originally in 2022.

Q. How did you change your diet?

This is another one of those questions that has changed as my understanding of what I was actually doing with food evolved. The original answer was significantly longer to what's below. Each time I came back to it, I shortened it. Today, it stands as the most changed answer in this article. It's also absolutely the question that snowballs into a much larger discussion for the people who are legitimately interested. (If you know, you know.) 

The answer itself is an almost laughable combination of abbreviation and understatement.

Step 1: I started keeping track of what I was eating and drinking.

Step 2: I worked with medical professionals to understand basic metrics like calories in/calories out, base metabolic rate, and total daily energy expenditure. These four datapoints were the building blocks for a more detailed and ongoing strategy for managing my food intake.

Step 3: I started actively paying attention to what I was eating and making very small adjustments to steer my progress in the desired direction. 

Q. Did you cut sweets out of your life?

No, though like everything else, I did start looking at them differently. 

Here's a sentence I bet you never thought you'd hear: Little Debbie snack cakes were a VITAL part of my weight loss strategy.

Here's the thing about Little Debbie: She takes all of the guesswork out of portion control. One box of Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies has eight cakes in it. That's one for each day of the week, plus one for a bad day. I never bought more than one box a week. A brownie every night for dessert scratched the itch I had. If I had a really bad day and ate two brownies...I ran out earlier. Which made me have to go to the grocery store. That involved more walking, which was good! It involved the opportunity to buy more fresh meats and veggies, which was good!

As my food intake started to prioritize fresh foods and the occasional veggie, my palette started to change. I started eating the snack cakes less...because they didn't taste as good. I stopped buying brownies one day and I did it by CHOICE...which made it permanent. From there, I stepped down to Oreo Thins. I could still eat a handful of them and get the sensation of, "Oh boy, I just ate SIX COOKIES!" with only the calories of three actual Oreos. From there, I stepped down to chocolate-covered almonds and vanilla sugar wafers, again by choice.

I still eat sweets but only rarely. My body simply won't tolerate them in large quantities anymore. Best of all, this all happened by choice. Every once in awhile, I get a wild hair and go buy donuts, or a bit of cake or pie or brownies. (I know that the Long Johns I love from LaMars donuts are 370 calories and that your average generous slice of cake is closer to 500.) I eat what I want. Then I usually regret it because of how it makes me feel and I go back to my almonds. By choice. 

Q. What's your take on cheat days?

Sorry, I can't take it anymore, I gotta get this one off of my chest: I hate pretty much all of the 'common' discussion that I see about cheat days.

I HATE IT.

This question is like...the living embodiment of everything that people misunderstand and mismanage about their physical and mental health where food is concerned. I hate the fact that people still talk about cheat days. The concept of a cheat day is as backwards as the continued faux-legitimacy of the body mass index. There is so much failure that you are setting yourself up with by embracing the concept of 'cheat days', it just...I'm sitting here mad just thinking about this.

I eat in moderation. Period. There are one or two days each week where I eat a little more and varied. Most days, I eat within the limits that I've found over years of research and work. I have standing orders from my doctors to deliberately schedule time each week to eat a few extra slices of pizza or grab donuts or get my pasta on. THIS IS NOT CHEATING. This is balance. This is normal. This is sustainable. 

Ugh. I hate this question. Okay, let's move on.

Q. I can't cook/don't have time to cook and I know you can't either. How did you get around that?

Frozen food, to a certain extent. And meat thermometers.

Marinading chicken takes no time, very little money, and the rewards are...well, good chicken. It takes no brain at all to throw boneless skinless chicken breasts or thighs into a ziplock with some avocado oil and seasoning for 12 hours. It also takes no brain to stick a remote meat thermometer in said chicken and throw it in the oven at 350 degrees. When your alarm dings, you take it out and you eat it. It's that easy. I taught myself how to pan-sear chicken thighs in less than 5 minutes and I then did it right on the first try.

I also lean very heavily on certain types of frozen 'lunch/dinner' boxes. They're not perfect, but they're portion controlled and have the amount of protein I need to provide fuel. I balance the negatives in them through drinking water and exercising...and not eating them all the time. I'm not alone here: Look around online and in person and you'll see loads of pop-ups for pre-prepped meals created with healthy eating in mind. The key here is moderation, and backing it up with exercise and water. These are easy and you don't have to think about them. Especially in the beginning, that's so important.

Last question, and this one's a doozy.

Q. Was it hard? What is/was the hardest part?

This is the question that I put on ice until I could figure out how to talk about it a little better. The answer is one that always seems to surprise people:

It wasn't taking that first step, or pushing myself to exercise, or changing my relationship with food.

It was figuring out how to avoid absolutely loathing myself. 

Acknowledging that it won't kill you if you take one more day of rest, and then not wracking yourself with guilt for making that choice? That's very, very hard. Not hating yourself for eating a cookie after an especially bad day? That's very, very hard. Not seeing what you want on the scale or in the mirror and assuming it's because of something you did or didn't do? Not pushing yourself beyond the point that you should because you don't want to feel like a failure, or damaged, or Less Than when things don't go the way that the books and the stories and the science and all of the media say they should?

It is difficult to articulate how hard that is.

Buying clothing that fits, you horrible person. After all, you have a closet full of perfectly functional clothing. It's not bad. It doesn't have holes in it. Heck, some of it's downright nice! It's just that small matter of none of it fitting you properly anymore. You know it doesn't fit properly because you see it every time you look in the mirror. And oh my GOSH, you have so many other things to spend money on that are more important. You have family. You have friends. You have those less fortunate. And yet you're thinking of buying new clothes. 

You monster.

And then you're wasting money on new clothing, which you wouldn't have had to have done if you hadn't gotten into this situation in the first place, which we all know was your own damn fault.

I've had to replace most of my wardrobe at least once now, some of it several times. I've got clothing that's less than a year old that I'm already shrinking out of, nice clothing that I told myself it was acceptable to have. What a waste of money. I should have been more patient. I should have waited until I was done losing weight to buy new clothing...  And oh, I do love the fact that I can see my progress with this new clothing, I do love how it feels when my clothing FITS! ... How vain must I be?

This is not melodrama. This is Wednesday. And I suspect that anyone else who's been through this will tell you that it's just the tip of the iceberg. 

I see a bariatric psychologist for a reason. I surround myself with people who understand, with people who support me without needing to understand. I cry. I grind my teeth a great deal. I am an expert in mentally torturing myself. There's a lot of hand-wringing that still happens. I am fortunate beyond words that the core of my world, the center I return to every single day, is my wife. 

Actually, I lied. There -is- one more question that I think is relevant to add here, one that I rarely get asked:

Q. Was it worth it?

This one makes me smile. Absolutely, it was worth it. Every single day.