MOVIE REVIEW: Wonder Woman 1984

 (Burrowing - Gareth Coker)

At the risk of stating something that's as known as the color of the grass and the wetness of water, the DC Extended Universe has not had a solid run of it.  'Not had a solid run of it' is actually pretty generous if you stop and think about it.

'Man Of Steel' came out in 2013, kicking the whole thing off.  Rather than trying to start something new, the whole film came off like the younger brother of a Christopher Nolan film.  You know what I'm talking about.  The problem with this is that even Nolan had outstayed his welcome by the time his third movie was over.  Audiences were clearly ready for a different formula, but no one from Warner Brothers got the memo.  While 'Steel' wasn't a terrible movie, it wasn't the near-universally loved kick-off that Marvel had with 'Iron Man'.  It was 'good enough', which turned out to be...sort of not good enough.

Then we got Yawn Of Justice in 2016.  My panning of the title should tell you all you need to know here. The movie was bad enough on its own, but the arrival of the animated film 'The Dark Knight Returns' that dropped a few years earlier showed people definitively how this movie should have gone. Pretty much the only thing that came out of this film that made everyone universally giddy was THIS scene:

Folks went crazy when Wonder Woman jumped into action.  (That absolutely ripping theme of hers might have had something to do with it...) Alas, Diana Prince wasn't ready for prime time just yet.

Later in 2016, we got 'Suicide Squad', whose biggest compliment was that it was a dumb action movie that was enjoyable enough as long as you didn't pay too much attention to it.  You know, other than that one scene.  This was a film so successful that it's already being rebooted.  

Finally, 2017 arrived.  After two bonkers trailers, each ending with that insane theme music again, the DCEU had its first film widely and rightfully regarded as a success.  'Wonder Woman' wasn't a perfect film, but it was a damn sight better than the previous three DC IPs that had come before it, and it did it standing on its own two high heels.  Surely, there would be a sequel!

Well...yes, but we would be made to wade through three questionable movies and one decent one -- I'm looking at you, Aquaman -- to get our claws on it.  And if that wasn't bad enough, 2020 got here and COVID delayed it further.

Finally though, FINALLY, we got the sequel to the ONE DCEU film that had actually kicked serious ass and taken names. 

...And it's...sort of a disappointment. 

Don't misunderstand me; WW84 isn't a bad movie at all.  I'd certainly suggest that it's better than 'good enough'. I just don't feel like much of what made the first movie a success is present here.  It's difficult to explain why without spoiling things -- and there'll surely be a section for that at the bottom of this article -- but I'll give it a go.

STORY

Our tale of woe begins with WW84's story. It is, end to end, batshit crazy.  That would be bad enough, but it's placed far too prominently amidst modern society to get away with that.  Worse, it's an old story being re-told in a fashion that's utterly predictable.  Many of the film's dramatic high points are telegraphed from miles away, removing all potency from them.  The film continues to ratchet the stakes of the film up, taking them into 'The Plaid' so quickly that you know they cannot be long-term. In contrast, the original 'Wonder Woman' had a story that was both sweeping and intimate, allowing for character growth and sympathy while never feeling drawn out.  WW84 has a run-time only slightly longer than 'Wonder Woman', but the pacing is so bad that I caught myself checking my watch about two-thirds of the way through and thinking, 'Oh God, we're not even in the third act yet...' 

As if all of that weren't bad enough, the film introduces several new mechanics into the character of Wonder Woman herself.  Each introduction is done abruptly in a fashion that makes Wonder Woman feel like a Mary Sue.  Worse, some of the things introduced have been done in other DCEU films to much greater success, making them feel all the more flat in this film.

All of this is too bad, because the players in the story deserved better.

CHARACTERS

- Gal Gadot/Wonder Woman: This is Gadot's fourth time donning the tiara, and I honestly think it's her weakest outing here.  She turns in better portrayals in all three of the other films she's been in. (That'd be Wonder Woman, Justice League, and Dawn Of Justice for those of you playing along at home.). This is due, in my opinion, entirely to the writing.  Diana Prince feels diminished in this film, a bad-ass forced to walk on crutches both physical and emotional.  Gadot does what she can and that's admirable, but this film's protagonist is one of the least-compelling elements of the whole film this time around.

- Themyscira: One of THE best things about the first Wonder Woman film were the parts that took place amidst the Amazons of Themyscira.  Thankfully, we get to go back to that magical place and spend more time there.  It's easily one of the two best parts of the entire movie.  Everything about how Themyscira is imagined in both of these films has been perfect.  Forget the rest of the DCEU.  Make a TV show out of THIS place.  The Amazons are certified epic, as is the story told in their midst.

- Kristen Wiig/Barbara Minerva: Easily the most compelling character in the entire film, Kristen Wiig's journey in the film as Dr. Barbara Minerva was awesome to watch.  Her character arc could be subtly felt in her words, her wardrobe, even her make-up.  When she finally picks the black hat up, it's enough to get you to take a quick step back.  I think the film did her dirty in the end but that doesn't remove in any way from her performance.  She makes a GREAT villain.  In contrast...

- Pedro Pascal/Max Lord:  "That was good, Pedro, but can we do the scene again with more cocaine?' And by God, that's exactly what Pascal did, regardless of how absolutely idiotic it made him look.  Pascal's Max Lord is one of the film's weakest links from both an acting and storyline standpoint.  That's a huge shame. Pascal has proven time and time again that he's capable of great things, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE KEEPS HIS DAMNED HELMET ON!

- Chris Pine/Steve Trevor: I am biased where Chris Pine is concerned.  Those who know me will know why.  My general distaste for him not withstanding, it's films like this that have grudgingly forced me to admire him.  Pine was one of the best parts of the first film and he is clearly Samwise Gamgee in WW84.  Which is to say, he's the real hero.  The writing for Pine in this film is borderline schlocky, but Pine turns it into something more valuable than the sum of its parts, especially in the film's third act.

AUDIO AND VIDEO

I'm going to say something here that's very hard for me, so I hope you understand how serious this next statement is:

Hans Zimmer messed up here.

The Wonder Woman theme was perfect.  It was perfect across three movies.  It didn't need changing for the fourth.  It didn't need to be made more orchestral.  It didn't need to be made more sweeping or 'pretty'.

Completely putting that aside, I would also submit that WW84 looked way too polished and full of CG.  This is probably due to the fact that it was way more polished and full of CG.  The first Wonder Woman film was created in such a way that a lot of things looked practical.  They looked real.  Visceral.  You got the sense that Diana was actually there in every scene and not just...on a sound stage or green screen.  WW84 is very pretty, but there's a lot of gently blurred lights and action scenes and ... well, it's very pretty.  Thank God for that, because it was lacking in impact in almost every other aspect.  

2017's 'Wonder Woman' set the bar really high, not just for future DCEU movies, but for future Wonder Woman movies.  Director Patty Jenkins clearly had her ducks in a row and it showed.  Somewhere along the line, one or two of those ducks wandered off, either of their own volition or at the behest of a meddling studio.  What results with Wonder Woman 1984 is a movie that's still pleasant to watch, and still a very solid entry into the DCEU.  It's just nowhere near as good as the first film.

All I ask is that someone find those damned ducks before she starts filming Rogue Squadron, please.

HERE THERE BE SPOILERS!

So yeah, a few things:

- Can we talk about that invisible jet for a moment?  This is such a bonkers part of the movie for a variety of reasons.  What airport are they sneaking onto where an aircraft like that isn't being secured?  How fortunate that it had fuel!  How fortunate that Steve Trevor, a pilot of the FIRST WORLD WAR, understood modern avionics well enough to start that aircraft up and fly it.  How slow were they going through those fireworks?  HOW LOW would they have had to have been flying?  And how large must the fuel tanks for that jet had to have been to make it to CAIRO?!  Where did they land it?  Where did they get more fuel?!  And how did they remember where they parked it?  This isn't fucking Star Trek IV!  And on that note...

- Okay.  Wonder Woman can turn shit invisible now.  Whatever.  The explanation was solid enough, but there wasn't nearly enough lead-up or back story to it.  Now comes my curiosity!  What else did Diana inherit from her father?  This was a completely wasted bit of backstory.

- I will never again give Captain America shit for the things he does with his shield now that I've seen some of the bonkers stuff that Diana did with her lasso.  FFS.  Deus Ex Ropina.   This is something they should have kept under wraps and not beaten you over the head with it in the trailers.  The first time I saw her lassoing a BOLT OF LIGHTNING, it was cool.  I've had time to think about it since then and I'm here to tell you that I've got questions.

- Seriously, folks were reading all of those stories about Pedro Pascal acting up on the set of the Mandalorian, and I'm here to tell you, IT WAS THE COCAINE. Also, put your fucking helmet back on, Pedro.  Also, you can shave your damned lip ferret for this movie but Din Djarin is the only genius on the outer rim who can't find a razor blade?!  I'm getting off-topic here.

- Listen, DCEU.  You too, Marvel.  Stop filming the fights with your Big Bads in the middle of the night or in the dark.  After all of that build-up, I want to see what's going on.  Cheetah deserved better.  And while we're talking about that...

- Can we all just sit still for a moment and admire freakin' EVERYTHING about Kristin Wiig in this movie?  DAMN.  And on THAT note...

- Cheetah is one of Wonder Woman's biggest names in her Rogue's Gallery.  But it's okay, we totally undid her at the end of this movie!  

- How the hell does Max's kid Alistair get from wherever the hell he is at his dad's office to the lawn of the White House when society is unraveling around him?  And on THAT note...

- The lawn of the White House was still a mess, indicating that not everything about Max's wish hyjinx had been undone.  So...what got undone?  Do people remember this bonkers shit happening?  Is this going to have a lasting impact on the DCEU world?  Cause I wanna tell you, even after Thanos' handiwork -- HAH! HANDIWORK! -- got undone, folks still knew what had happened.

- Can we talk about the Golden Peacock armor and how goddamned POINTLESS it was?  Diana had already undone her wish with Steve -- RIP Steve -- so she was back to being a bad-ass.  You got to watch her wounds heal and everything, so...why did she need the full plate?  And why did the wings need to flap?  We already established that she could fly earlier.  Seriously, what was the point of it all?  Cheetah was clearly slapping Diana around even with the armor, so...yeah.  Again with the why?  And...I mean, we obviously see that the armor's original owner is still alive and kicking, so...how did Diana get it? I'd ask for more backstory here, but asking for backstory to a plot element that is completely unnecessary -- no matter how good Gadot looked in it... -- feels...wasteful.

- Full Plate has a 10-minute doff time.  No way she gets out of that shit and swims to the surface.  

- So...Diana can fly.  She learns how to fly in this movie.  Except...can she fly?  How does the lasso fit in?  And while you're thinking about all of this, I'd like to remind you that 'Man Of Steel' did this much, MUCH better.  Like, in every way.  The learning experience, the exhilaration, the joy, the speed, and the soundtrack  Seriously, Hans Zimmer killed it here:

- Are you seriously going to sit here and tell me that the entire time Diana was weakened due to Barbara's wish, she never took a straight shot from a bullet?  Seriously?!

- Uh...Where were Diana's sword and shield?