- Bathroom Musings -

 (I Remember - Deadmau5 feat. Kaskade)

People have playfully griped at me that I don't post as many Bathroom Musings anymore.  They ask if strange or amusing things have stopped happening to me in the bathroom.

The answer, of course, is 'no'.  That said, nobody likes a repeat post in spite of how many times I still manage to:

- Nearly kill myself standing up after a deuce because my body has gone to sleep from the ass cheek down.
- Losing something large from my nose when I'm trying to blow it in a contained fashion.
- Literally anything involving cats.
- Having to take a shower after sneezing and failing to keep nasal sauce out of my chest hair.

This morning resulted in something amusing, but there are some things that the more sensible people on Facebook don't want to hear about.

But you're not here because you're sensible.  You know exactly what you're getting, which is why you either religiously watch this blog or have an RSS subscription.  Your reward is a Bathroom Musing that most people won't see.

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I'm in the bathroom this morning administering the kind of deuce whose aftershocks are frequently mistaken as earthquakes.  As the bard Harrison teaches, all things must pass, and so the time came for me to reach for the toilet paper.  I pulled off a respectable stretch of tissue, folded it as one does, and proceeded to administer some much-needed TLC to my posterior.  As is frequently the case, the paper gets removed after the first wipe, a visual inspection is given, and it’s determined that I need to fold it over and go back for seconds.

At which point I sneeze and it flies out of my hand.

It lands on my pants, butter side down, tumbles once, and then lands on my bath mat.  Butter side down.

Cue the day’s wardrobe change and an impromptu load of coloreds.