MOVIE REVIEW: Aquaman
(Am I Evil - Metallica)
I’ve rambled before about how much trouble DC is having with their cinematic universe. Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy is universally heralded as a triumph, but everything in the new DCU (Man Of Steel, BvS, Wonder Woman, Justice League) has received mixed reviews. Even Wonder Woman, easily the best of the current stable, wasn’t without some of the same issues plaguing DC’s current cinematic efforts.
If anyone could save it though, it would be Jason Momoa, the muscle-bound Everyman that somehow wandered into cinema.
Does he?
THE SHORT VERSION:
As much as the rest of the movie was fighting against him, yes. Yes, he does.
THE LONG VERSION:
Aquaman is a good movie in spite of itself. That should be a good thing, but it’s not. It’s actually really sad because with a little extra effort, Aquaman could have been an absolute HOME RUN, easily beating out even some of the best Marvel movies. Alas, the ball was dropped.
Let me say again that Aquaman is still a good movie. I was well entertained and I laughed throughout most of it when humor was presented. I -love- Jason Momoa. He’s a really likable guy that somehow stumbled into cinema. He is, no pun intended, one of the biggest cases of a fish out of water that you’ll ever see on screen, and the movie is so much better for it. He’s clearly having an amazing time doing what he’s doing, and the nearly child-like joy that he brings to most of the scenes that he’s in will put a huge smile on your face.
Unfortunately, he’s let down by almost every aspect of this film. I shall briefly, without spoilers, elaborate:
- The script is up to par in some places and CATASTROPHICALLY BAD in others. The actors all know it. You can see them chewing on the really bad lines like bad food. Whoever wrote the script for this movie may have legitimately dethroned George Lucas for the honor of worst scripting in cinema history.
- There is SO MUCH BACKSTORY that this movie is missing. On one hand, that’s really cool because Aquaman has always kind of been shit on when it comes to this sort of thing. I -want- to know more about the history of Atlantis now, about the seven kingdoms beneath the waves. The story they do have is really engaging, there’s just not nearly enough of it. I’ll expound on this more in the spoilers section.
- Most of the supporting cast is incredibly weak.
- Somewhere along the line, people got so caught up in scenes being cinematic that they forgot that the ultimate purpose of a film is to tell a story. Nowhere in cinema is this better exemplified than in some of this film’s fight scenes. I’ll riff on this later.
- The movie score for Aquaman can’t make up its mind if it wants to be 80s synth pop or a legitimate orchestral score. There are gorgeous moments in this film where the music really helps it, but then this weird synth sound creeps in and completely takes you out of it.
These are just a few of the reasons why I have no doubt that Aquaman will get taken apart at the box office and online by the reviewers. There’s plenty about this movie to hate. There’s also plenty about it to love, mostly in the form of Jason Momoa and the sheer spectacle that’s on display here. In spite of all of its failures, this is still a -good- movie. It’s just not a great one, and the steps that it could have taken to remedy that are so obvious that it’s frustrating.
And no, the gloves don’t look that bad. Get over it.
HERE THERE BE SPOILERS!
- The first fight in the movie with Atlanta is a hot mess of jump cuts, bad angles, and worse CG. This is THE. WORST. FIGHTSCENE. I have ever seen in a movie. That said...
- Nicole Kidman. That is all.
- You’re telling me it took 5 years for Atlantis to find Atlanta? I’m calling bullshit right now.
- Temuera Morrison is lovely, and has finally been a movie role that makes up for Jango Fett.
- There’s not nearly enough lore or backstory to make me give even a little shit about Black Manta. He was treated so poorly in this film. Also...
- If Black Manta is smart enough to manipulate Atlantan tech to make his suit, why didn’t he just flat out have better gear to begin with??
- How does Black Manta meet up with the Atlantans in the first place?
- So...Aquaman takes the time to bring that sub to the surface but sort of...just leaves that new Stealth Sub alone??
- Vulko never once spoke with Arthur about his fish speaks abilities?? And Arthur just never mentioned them? Calling bullshit here too.
- Meera is the only water sorceress? Calling bullshit here too. Also, talk about missed opportunities to do cool shit with water EVERYWHERE in this movie.
Yeah, Icould riff on the stupid shit in tis movie for a long time, but the simple fact is, I still enjoyed it a great deal.
I’ve rambled before about how much trouble DC is having with their cinematic universe. Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy is universally heralded as a triumph, but everything in the new DCU (Man Of Steel, BvS, Wonder Woman, Justice League) has received mixed reviews. Even Wonder Woman, easily the best of the current stable, wasn’t without some of the same issues plaguing DC’s current cinematic efforts.
If anyone could save it though, it would be Jason Momoa, the muscle-bound Everyman that somehow wandered into cinema.
Does he?
THE SHORT VERSION:
As much as the rest of the movie was fighting against him, yes. Yes, he does.
THE LONG VERSION:
Aquaman is a good movie in spite of itself. That should be a good thing, but it’s not. It’s actually really sad because with a little extra effort, Aquaman could have been an absolute HOME RUN, easily beating out even some of the best Marvel movies. Alas, the ball was dropped.
Let me say again that Aquaman is still a good movie. I was well entertained and I laughed throughout most of it when humor was presented. I -love- Jason Momoa. He’s a really likable guy that somehow stumbled into cinema. He is, no pun intended, one of the biggest cases of a fish out of water that you’ll ever see on screen, and the movie is so much better for it. He’s clearly having an amazing time doing what he’s doing, and the nearly child-like joy that he brings to most of the scenes that he’s in will put a huge smile on your face.
Unfortunately, he’s let down by almost every aspect of this film. I shall briefly, without spoilers, elaborate:
- The script is up to par in some places and CATASTROPHICALLY BAD in others. The actors all know it. You can see them chewing on the really bad lines like bad food. Whoever wrote the script for this movie may have legitimately dethroned George Lucas for the honor of worst scripting in cinema history.
- There is SO MUCH BACKSTORY that this movie is missing. On one hand, that’s really cool because Aquaman has always kind of been shit on when it comes to this sort of thing. I -want- to know more about the history of Atlantis now, about the seven kingdoms beneath the waves. The story they do have is really engaging, there’s just not nearly enough of it. I’ll expound on this more in the spoilers section.
- Most of the supporting cast is incredibly weak.
- Somewhere along the line, people got so caught up in scenes being cinematic that they forgot that the ultimate purpose of a film is to tell a story. Nowhere in cinema is this better exemplified than in some of this film’s fight scenes. I’ll riff on this later.
- The movie score for Aquaman can’t make up its mind if it wants to be 80s synth pop or a legitimate orchestral score. There are gorgeous moments in this film where the music really helps it, but then this weird synth sound creeps in and completely takes you out of it.
These are just a few of the reasons why I have no doubt that Aquaman will get taken apart at the box office and online by the reviewers. There’s plenty about this movie to hate. There’s also plenty about it to love, mostly in the form of Jason Momoa and the sheer spectacle that’s on display here. In spite of all of its failures, this is still a -good- movie. It’s just not a great one, and the steps that it could have taken to remedy that are so obvious that it’s frustrating.
And no, the gloves don’t look that bad. Get over it.
HERE THERE BE SPOILERS!
- The first fight in the movie with Atlanta is a hot mess of jump cuts, bad angles, and worse CG. This is THE. WORST. FIGHTSCENE. I have ever seen in a movie. That said...
- Nicole Kidman. That is all.
- You’re telling me it took 5 years for Atlantis to find Atlanta? I’m calling bullshit right now.
- Temuera Morrison is lovely, and has finally been a movie role that makes up for Jango Fett.
- There’s not nearly enough lore or backstory to make me give even a little shit about Black Manta. He was treated so poorly in this film. Also...
- If Black Manta is smart enough to manipulate Atlantan tech to make his suit, why didn’t he just flat out have better gear to begin with??
- How does Black Manta meet up with the Atlantans in the first place?
- So...Aquaman takes the time to bring that sub to the surface but sort of...just leaves that new Stealth Sub alone??
- Vulko never once spoke with Arthur about his fish speaks abilities?? And Arthur just never mentioned them? Calling bullshit here too.
- Meera is the only water sorceress? Calling bullshit here too. Also, talk about missed opportunities to do cool shit with water EVERYWHERE in this movie.
Yeah, Icould riff on the stupid shit in tis movie for a long time, but the simple fact is, I still enjoyed it a great deal.
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