The Love Doctor
(The Cricket - Mannheim Steamroller)
Need help finding new and creative ways to express your love? Get a cat! Cats are wonderful about helping you get beyond those boring old displays of affection. Here’s how!
- Bought some boring flowers? No problem! Your cat will happily eat them — without needing to be told, no less! — to help you cover your tracks! BONUS — Your cat will then convert those flowers to something far more attention-grabbing that it will eject from either its head or its butt in a location you least expect! Spent an evening with your special someone playing “What's That Smell And Where Is It Coming From?” and "Can I Possibly Get That Stain Our Or Should I Just Use Fire?" GOOD KITTY!
- Bought a boring stuffed animal? No problem! Your cat will find that dull stuffie no matter where you've hidden it and promptly hide it in a NEW place without needing to be told! BONUS -- Your cat will go the extra mile cover your tracks by rubbing its face and butt all over that stuffie and then using its teeth and claws to eviscerate it in a nightmare-inducing fashion! Your loved one will be too busy scheduling therapy for you both to wonder if that was for them, or just the next in a long line of poor, destroyed cat toys! GOOD KITTY!
- Bought a boring card? No problem! Your cat will find that card -- and let's be honest, you probably picked out a crap card! -- push it off of the table where you left it, and then proceed to shred it in a fashion that even the CIA cannot reconcile! BONUS -- If you give your cat enough time, they will cleverly hide the evidence of your poor decision-making all over the house, thereby setting up a wonderful game of, "What The Hell Is Under The Couch?" that you and your loved one can play for literally YEARS before you finish it. GOOD KITTY!
GET YOUR CAT TODAY!
Need help finding new and creative ways to express your love? Get a cat! Cats are wonderful about helping you get beyond those boring old displays of affection. Here’s how!
- Bought some boring flowers? No problem! Your cat will happily eat them — without needing to be told, no less! — to help you cover your tracks! BONUS — Your cat will then convert those flowers to something far more attention-grabbing that it will eject from either its head or its butt in a location you least expect! Spent an evening with your special someone playing “What's That Smell And Where Is It Coming From?” and "Can I Possibly Get That Stain Our Or Should I Just Use Fire?" GOOD KITTY!
- Bought a boring stuffed animal? No problem! Your cat will find that dull stuffie no matter where you've hidden it and promptly hide it in a NEW place without needing to be told! BONUS -- Your cat will go the extra mile cover your tracks by rubbing its face and butt all over that stuffie and then using its teeth and claws to eviscerate it in a nightmare-inducing fashion! Your loved one will be too busy scheduling therapy for you both to wonder if that was for them, or just the next in a long line of poor, destroyed cat toys! GOOD KITTY!
- Bought a boring card? No problem! Your cat will find that card -- and let's be honest, you probably picked out a crap card! -- push it off of the table where you left it, and then proceed to shred it in a fashion that even the CIA cannot reconcile! BONUS -- If you give your cat enough time, they will cleverly hide the evidence of your poor decision-making all over the house, thereby setting up a wonderful game of, "What The Hell Is Under The Couch?" that you and your loved one can play for literally YEARS before you finish it. GOOD KITTY!
GET YOUR CAT TODAY!
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