PRODUCT REVIEW: PooPourri
(A Better Beginning - John Paesano)
Full disclosure, I tried to do this as a video entry. I really did. I was unable to do it without breaking down into laughter or grinning like a fool for extended periods of time, however. I'm a child.
For anyone not familiar with what PooPourri is, let me just show you something:
If, however, you're like the rest of us, this product is a gamble. Sometimes, it works. Other times, your lavatory is left smelling like a lemon-encrusted outhouse that's been carefully selected from a high-traffic construction site.
You've been warned.
Full disclosure, I tried to do this as a video entry. I really did. I was unable to do it without breaking down into laughter or grinning like a fool for extended periods of time, however. I'm a child.
For anyone not familiar with what PooPourri is, let me just show you something:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKLnhuzh9uY?feature=oembed]
...Yep. It's gonna be that kind of a review. Is this stuff any good? Does it actually work?
THE SHORT VERSION:
Under certain circumstances, yes. It's not fool-proof, though.
THE LONG VERSION:
I've been struggling to get this review out for some time now. I've actually had the product in question for well over a week, thanks to a good friend of mine giving me a bottle of it for Christmas. I was given the original citrus scent, and it's quite a potent smell when you administer the product as directed.
But then...it would rather have to be potent to do it's job.
If you weren't able to make it through the video, let me summate this product's functionality. You give four or five sprays into your toilet before proceeding to park your last meal. The thought is that the essential oils that are now resting on the surface of the water in the toilet bowl will coat each package as you administer death from above, thus sealing in the stink and filling the air with nothing but the sweet smell of citrus and your sighs of relief.
In theory, this should work, but after administering several live-fire tests, I can tell you that results will be varied, and there are one or two things that the makers of PooPourri clearly didn't test for when developing their product. Let's go over those items now, shall we? Cloths-pins at the ready!
- The product demands that you administer it before commencing your bombing run, but that requires a certain amount of premedication that I'm not especially capable of when a core breach is imminent. There are times when I barely manage to make it to the bathroom, and it takes an act of God to stay on target. There's no way I'd be able to scramble over to the target area and then halt proceedings while I BENT OVER and sprayed this stuff in the toilet bowl. Not only is the timer on my micro nuke ticking far too quickly to do this, bending over sends the signal to the bombardiers that you're ready to fire, and that's a gamble.
- While the product smells quite pleasant, its function is rather predicated on the delivery of neat, tidy, individual, self-contained ordinance. Unleashing a volley of Mexican food-fueled napalm into the bowl completely overwhelms any protective measures you could possibly put into play. I don't care if you dumped the whole bottle of PooPourri into the bowl. Some wars can't be won without casualties.
If, however, you're like the rest of us, this product is a gamble. Sometimes, it works. Other times, your lavatory is left smelling like a lemon-encrusted outhouse that's been carefully selected from a high-traffic construction site.
You've been warned.
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